feelin' kind of shitty. i hate job hunting. i hate it like a spiteful plague. i hate it like you hate yourself.

i need a job because i need money because my computer will die any day now. i need a new computer because i need to make my comic. i need to make my comic because art keeps one sane. and i just feel like sane because it's nice.

today jamie explained why she likes hanging out with her new friends more than me. it's because they're fun. simple enough i guess, i just never realized that i had become unfun. but i have. when she says that all i do is make fun of her and call her names she's right. i guess i just thought it was funnyer than it is (or isn't rather, i can see that). it kind of hurts though. being a shitty person to hang around with is never a goal, and i can't help feeling like everyone feels like jamie does when i'm around. like i'm some huge downer for everyone, i want to leave.

vancouver sounds really good. really really good. it's warmer, englisher and the mood seems like something i could really mesh with. but does leaving the city really help anyone? Mitch Clem talked about how he'd go from place to place, making new friends each time, and fucking it up each time. shitty prospect to consider... but lately it seems like the only thing that actually keeps me here is louisa... sometimes i feel like she's also the only person who enjoys my company. her and aiden. he won't leave though, he has kristi, he doesn't need some fool move across the country.

louisa's mad at me cause she tried to help me find a job and i made a joke about the directory page she found. sometimes the internet's ability to describe sarcasm is really obnoxious.

the comic is going well at least, i'm reasonably proud of everything i've done in the last little while, no huge regrets at least.

i think i may love you, but it may only be lust, so i won't say anything yet.
posted by Jer Clarke at 00:34

got it done. may or may not just be 1200 words of comicspeakbablle. time will tell.

gave in my cv at opnion search today. i can officially look forward to hour after hour of calling people and bothering them. but it's a job at least. i'm really gonna have to push myself to find something better in the meantime. i really don't want to get stuck in a rut with this one.

trying to get caught up (currently six days behind). it's not working so far, but i'm not giving up.

posted by Jer Clarke at 23:01

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bang, i'm dead.

stupid essays.
posted by Jer Clarke at 23:22

i was sooo sick last night. i couldn't even move. it was disgusting beyond all imagination. i hate being sick, now i can't eat, so even though i'm not really nauseous or anything, i'm dizzy with hunger. stupid.

still haven't written the script that should have been done a week ago. i am a dumbass. we now have ONE day to shoot our entire movie (which has no script yet). if we fail to do this, then we fail film class and consequently fail to graduate from college. i also have to write a 1000 word essay about mini-comics that i'm gonna have to pull out of my ass because there seems to be no information available anywhere.

today is a kill yourself kind of day.


posted by Jer Clarke at 18:33

i got into university. this is a good thing. i am not excited though, which is strange (though i am excited about going out to dinner, i am such a geek)
now it's crunch time again. next two days are filming and essaywriting and shovingcomicdrawingintheresomewhere days... yech. no porn. i could save so much time just NOT pornscanning. damn you penis.
posted by Jer Clarke at 12:06

stayed up all night writing the essay. it wasn't a particularly long essay, which makes the 7AM completion time pretty frustrating. decided not to take a nap and to just wait out the couple of hours before class. thank god for cheap fucking cola.

now my biologicalclock is all fucked up. i'm gonna end up dead because of this, i know it.

i love you.
posted by Jer Clarke at 02:21

I HATE ESSAYS!
posted by Jer Clarke at 22:39

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!
my retarded film group has died, broken up, resisted the rejection, and been totally sodomized by faulty equipment. which all isn't the end of the world because i can't even bring myself to write a fucking script. it seems like everything is conspiring against me to fuck me over. if we dont' get a movie done then i fail the class, and in so doing have to come back for a full semester for one class.

i hate this game. i hate it.

on an equally depressing note i am now three full(going on four) days behind on the strip, this is one of those "i'm going to end up giving up on everything" kind of moments.

did i mention that i have a 1000word essay due tomorrow and i don't know what to write about other than something that is tantamount to self-plajiarism, but that the teacher might not notice and so is too tepmting to pass up? yeah, that sucks too.

failing life is fun.
posted by Jer Clarke at 16:45

my orange juice is salty. why THE FUCK would orange juice be salty?

i'm scared.
posted by Jer Clarke at 20:52

today is the first day of the rest of the semester.
...
does that work? i'm behind in just about everything and more everythings are cropping up to be behind in every day. every stupid semester i play this stupid game and every time i end up wanting to kill myself just to avoid doing all the work that invariably stacks up as i do things like update my blog that isn't even important.

y'know i think this thing really is just for me. if i didnt' have the comic then i'd tell all my friends about my blog and try to use it to show off how good a writer i am and to satisfy myself that my life is interesting enough to read about. but i dont' think anyone even reads this. and i don't care. i dont' even think i use it to keep my writing sharp, it's pretty slack. i just like reading back. i've never had an honest-to-god diary that i wrote in more than thrice so maybe this is just what it's like...

i hate writing by hand. i think it's one of the most tedious tasks i could think of. it's just so much faster and easier to type shit out. keyboards seem to move at the pace of my mind, while my stupid hand goes less than half, effectively fucking up every concrete thought i ever have (of course if you start thinking about typing you slow down and make a bunch of typos 'cause it's unconscious and such, damn)

anyways i got high on the roof with jamie and lay around in the sun, it was one of those miraculous and sublime moments in life when everything is totally fucking perfect.

of course i was burnt for the rest of the day and am now a filmII script and two comics short because of my inability to do anything but read maddox. damn you pot, you fucking mixed blessing.

so i love you all even though you don't care.
and no one will ever make me do thing efficiently, i refuse this.





posted by Jer Clarke at 15:37

been a long time again. i'd kind of decided to let this thing fall off the face of the earth, but i reread some of the stuff i'd written, and it was fun. it'll be great to reread this in the future, so you all (no one) get to keep reading my stupid thinks.

i'm finally caught up again after weeks of being behind by at least a day. i seem to have an innability to do any more than the absolute minimum for each day, which is dumb 'cause i specifically schedule myself to take saturday off drawing and am FORCED to do two comics on sunday... stupid jer.

i had my interview with my integrating activity teacher (nikki) today. it went really well, apparently she's a huge fan of the site anyway, and was able to give better answers to her questions than i was. it was really cool hearing someone who seems so proffessional complimenting me on it, she said that of the entire class (graduating class that is) i was one of maybe 4 people who had chosen a project that could stand up outside the school grounds. and that's the point right? you can write yourself a 1000 page novel, but if no one wants to read it but your mom then it's hard to justify all the time you spent on it. Nikki also said some interesting things about how i'm bitter, but i don't just shit on everything. that there's a muted optimism under all my stuff that makes it shine even brighter. i liked that.

i wonder if i could make it in an illustration school... i suck at drawing, i have to slave to achieve what the failure guys just slap onto the paper, so how could i possibly survive any kind of rigorous program? but will i survive at concordia? i've always done well at school, but i'm not convinced that the shit there will even hold my interest. the prospect of having homework that involves making comics just sounds so damn sexy right now. like, i could learn right? anyone can learn, if i really try, focus and don't give up then i could probably be at least mediocre, or maybe i cant... i came into the game really late, and even if the guys i'm looking at are all in their twenties, it's taken them since they were kids to get that far, i've only been drawing for a few months now...

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anyway, i'll be finding out if i even got into communications in a couple of weeks, hopefully i'm not condemned to a major in philosophy for the next three years. i mean it would be interesting, but the reading would kill me.

goodnight my friends.
posted by Jer Clarke at 18:41